Love is Everything
I was inspired by these words by Jaiya John, the poetic nature, the imagery, the intentional acts of Love. In my lifetime I’ve found it hard to say I Love You, not something that easily rolls off my tongue, and harder still to receive. It pierces the ears in an unfamiliar tone and I’ve never quite known what to do with the information. And in the silence of my life as a caregiver to my Mum who no longer communicates with words, I’ve found that the receiving has become even harder. As I mutter the words into the void every night I hope that one day, someday, they will be returned to me in a way which I can hold. And this brings me back to Jaiya John and his words…
This year I’ve said I Love You more times than all my life combined, and equally have received it. I’ve told my friends both real life and online I Love them, I’ve told old friends and new friends I Love them, I’ve told old Lovers and current Lovers, I Love them and every time I push the words from my lips, I mean it. I want to be part of the fertility that brings life into the world, and in the absence of my own children, this might be the next best thing. To watch another bloom is an absolute joy and to be part of that blooming, well that is where the magic happens.
But here in lies the disarray that I find for myself, I’m not used to being loved. I know it sounds odd, and as a child, I was loved an impossible amount, and I appreciate that I am Loved by so many, in so many different ways, but knowing it and feeling it sometimes occur at opposite ends of a very long pole. Seeing something and feeling it are not synonymous to believing it. And so this year as I began to tell more and more people I Love them, and I began to receive that Love just as powerfully and potently, my ground began to soften, and little by little a garden has begun to grow. And for the first time in many moons, and perhaps even a whole lifetime, I feel deserving of Love, in its many and ever-changing forms.
Life is complicated, and through my many laps around the sun I have become even more discerning about who and where I place my energy, but as I begin to look at the next lap, I wonder if I will find more places where Love can bloom. My friend recently got married, she signed her email off with LOVE IS EVERYTHING, and to know that behind the tapping of keys, as I imagine she pressed caps lock, that perhaps tears welled, and her heartbeat a little faster that her garden of Love was blooming and overflowing, Love is everything, and I can’t wait to see what gardens we can all grow together.
I Love You,